tammy swales photography
So…if you read my blog at all you must know that I love being happy. I’m perpetually optimistic (to a fault) and I LOVE the people in my life. No matter what. I like talking about my clients and sharing details from the things that we do here at the studio…but rarely do I share all the boring stuff or the hard stuff.
Today it’s the hard stuff. I debated whether or not to even write this entry — I mean…how can I even come CLOSE to sharing something so personal and so hard with all of you…but I came to the conclusion that if your even here reading this — then you either…like me…know me…or want to know more about me. And Lulu is a very very big part of my life. For eleven years.
I lost my best friend yesterday. It was quick and unexpected — even though I could see age taking it’s toll — I still clung to the belief that she would be part of my life forever. Those of you who have pets or anyone or anything super important in your world know exactly what I am saying. You know it’s coming — but you’ll willingly cling to the last scrap of time together no matter how hard or how much effort it takes.
I used to be (haha. that’s a joke. I still am.) afraid of relationships. Of commitment. Of making a CHOICE and having to stick to it forever. I didn’t want to be tied down with a pet…I felt like it was not the greatest decision I made…
But then I met Lulu.
Those of you who met her will know that Lulu has (forgive. I still cannot speak in past tense. not yet) the most amazing personality. She was happy to see me no matter how long I was gone…5 minutes or 5 days. She missed me. And I missed her.
Losing her is so terribly painful.
But I also want to tell you that the pain I am feeling is small compared to the amount of joy that dog has given me over the years. She’s listened to me. She’s snuggled me when I was upset and growled at me when I wanted to play. She made me laugh every.single.damn.day. And I am going to miss her so much.
So…here are just a few of the amazing things that I love about my dog.
1. Her aversion to peanut butter. She never could understand: was it a liquid? was it a solid? She made the funniest “peanut butter face”. OMG.
2. Floppy Tongue. Floppy tongue came out when she was happiest. When the people who loved her were around her and paying attention to how fabulous she was and rubbed her belly. This is a RARE photograph my son snapped of my puppy and me and floppy tongue.
3. Swimming Dog. She’s a lab right? She loves loves water. And swimming. And shaking it all off on whomever is closest.
4. Her smile. Lulu always smiled. Unless I was going somewhere and not taking her. Her smile sometimes got me through the day.
5. She loved me no matter what. If I was grumpy, unshowered, weird, tired, sad, happy. Her devotion never waivered. Nor did mine.
I know she’s not in pain anymore. I know she loves me. And I know that in knowing her — I am a completely better, calmer and happier person than I would have been. And…it really really hit home to me how incredibly important photographs are today. These photographs…some of them are OLD. All of them are PRECIOUS. Because I can’t get her back again. But I can carry her in my heart and remember.
So … I don’t want you to be sad for me. I’m soooo lucky to have had such an amazing dog in my life. I just wanted you to know I’m sad. And I miss my puppy.
Love you Luleelu. You’re SUCH a good girl.
xo Tam
My team has learned, much like Pavlov’s dogs, to cringe when they see me come in like a whirlwind, all wound up, and say: “Okay. So I had this idea in the middle of the night…” Typically that means: A. A lot of work. B. Switching directions from what they are doing to focus on something new C. Tammy is obsessed with thinking about this idea. D. Taking a lot of time E. A lot of work. ::laughing::
A lot of times those ideas kind of fade away because they are impractical for whatever reason, or I notice that someone else has done something kind of along the same lines, or…I get bored with it…or it’s too hard to REALLY do. Since I generate a LOT of ideas all the time (who knew this was unusual?) this happens quite often.
Once in a while though, I have a “BIG” one. And this time, not only was it big — but it turned out to exceed my wildest imagination and expectations — and I could NOT have achieved it without the diligent work and dedication of my team, my friends, my clients and my colleagues.
It started with Vanity Fair.
You know how they have that issue with the actors on it? I remember thinking…I’d love to do something like that. How can I do something like that?
And then…in the middle of the night…I woke up with this idea perfectly formed in my head: my clients.
I wonder if my clients would do something like that? And so…an idea was born. The most humbling thing for me, by FAR, is that every single one of my clients we talked to said yes. No hesitation…no maybe’s — just…yep. Tam. That sounds sooo fun! Let’s do it! Tell me when and we’ll be there!
I think I might have cried I was so overwhelmed by that.
As an afterthought i said — hey. let’s videotape it and see if we can’t put a little behind the scenes thingy (yes, I said thingy, it’s the technical term! ::grin::) together. Which turned into: let’s interview each person and ASK (innovative concept, right? ASK our clients to tell us about their experience) — and we maybe might have forgot to mention this to our clients — so when they came in to be photographed, they were surprised and a little nervous to sit in front of a camera. I’m telling you this so you can see what follows was completely unscripted — even when I talk (and it’s SO HARD to hear yourself…ugh. do I REALLY sound like that? OMG) I had things I wanted to say, but I just talked unscripted. I sounded a little strange and disconnected and sometimes I’d have to say it a couple of times — but I wanted it to be more gritty and real — then a perfect beautiful video. Because we want to have fun and play and take photographs — we don’t want to be perfect. It’s too much pressure, right?
Here’s the Vanity Fair cover that inspired me:
Cool ,right? So…what I love about what our final image is that it’s a TOTAL Swales interpretation. I wanted several things — I wanted to show how DIVERSE my clientele is…I wanted to show how COOL they are…and I wanted to be PLAYFUL.
Here’s mine (and clicking it will take you to an online version — that if you click it will make it REALLY BIG. Try it — it’s totally cool!)
Can you BELIEVE this?! I LOVE it sooo much!!!
Finally — we worked on the COOL VIDEO.
I don’t know what to say about it other than it’s the coolest thing I think we’ve done up until this point. I love everything and everyone in it. Thank you Thank you Thank you to everyone involved — my amazing clients, Rock Paper Scissors Salon who styled, Bruce Hahn for advising me on lighting, My amazing team, and my family for supporting me through all the madness. I love you all.
So…watch it will ya? And tell me if you like it. really. Cuz it was a LOT of work. And I really wanted you to know how important it is to me that my clients take center stage…because, ultimately, that’s WHY I do what I do. For you. xoxo
It’s incredible, Tammy! You are amazing.
I LOOOOOOOOVE IT! The video is PHENOM!!! Yay, Tammy!!!!
WOW Tam!!! Awesome. I didn’t expect anything less. All that hard work paid off. Thanks for let me be a part of this.
I need to come up to New York and just hang out with you! I love every minute of the video!
are you serious??? what EVER sister. holy crap this is pure genius and I wanna hug you something fierce Swales!!!!!
So obviously in love!
6.07.2011
Beautiful, Tammy. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life. This tribute to Lulu is amazing. RIP Lulu, and my thoughts are with you Tammy. <3
6.07.2011
I’m sooooo sooo very sorry, Tammy! I loved Lulu! She was such a good dog!
6.07.2011
Oh Tammy, I’m so sorry for your loss! I know how loyal and loving dogs are, and what a big part they play in their humans’ lives. I’ve never been a dog person but I’m definitely a Myla person – better yet, I’m Myla’s person. My puppy gives me so much joy I can’t even imagine life without her even though I hope not to have to think about it for another 15 years at least. Hang in there, hugs!
6.07.2011
Beautiful, Tammy! I am so sorry for your loss. You did a great job describing her, I almost feel like I know her now. The photos are precious and priceless!
6.07.2011
I am sorry
sending big virtual hugs!
6.07.2011
Thank you for sharing that, Tammy. I am so sorry for your loss, but know what you mean about having had the time with a pet being so worth any pain at the loss. We nearly lost my Buddy a couple months ago and not a day goes by that I don’t say “Thank you so much, Buddy, for surviving. My thoughts are with you.
6.07.2011
Thank you for sharing with us. It is so sad when we loose what we love & which we find comfort in….. I had a special cat who was this to me…. It’s been 2 years and I still grieve him and miss him terribly. It’s one of those once in a lifetime relationships and yes, we have to remember all the joy & love, because if we think about the loss. the grief. I’m afraid this would be way too overwhelming they wouldn’t be there to help us through it… I’m so glad you have these wonderful pictures…. There will be days when you Lulu is not here…..those are hard….. I hope your remembrances of the devotion of Lulu will get you through it……. Hugs to you……
6.08.2011
Even though its never long enough, I am so glad you and Lulu had eleven great years together! My thoughts are with you!
6.08.2011
Tammy, I’m so sorry to hear about Lulu. Sounds like you gave her a wonderful life and she blessed yours as well. XOXOXO
6.08.2011
Tammy…..we are so sad for you….losing your precious pup LuLu….our wonderful dog Rufie has terminal cancer…he is the best ever!!! We are sucking up every single nano-sec we have while he is still here with us. We wrap out hearts around you. Your beautiful heart-felt images of Lulu had us in tears…..
6.13.2011
Oh, Tammy, so very, very sorry…I know how hard it is to let go of a beloved pet/friend – my thoughts are with you – hugs!
6.14.2011
xo
6.23.2011
I had to let my cat Spike go last year, he was 18. He was with me longer than any person has been….I miss him and just want to say, “Meow meow” to Spike.
7.12.2011
can’t .see.the screen. too many tears.
love you……..
8.31.2011
oh tammy, i’m so sorry. i’ve lost a pet, too, and it is devastating. i had the same reaction of being so grateful for all the pictures i’d taken of the furball. i’m thinking of you.